There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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