there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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