i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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