the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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