then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
