I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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