when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
