saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
