Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
My feet surprised me
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
