Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
