i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
