These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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