OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just want nice things and good sex
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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