i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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