someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
