The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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