Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
