i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
