I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize