Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
