if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
