How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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