From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
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I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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