I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
