I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
