i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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