and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
