I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
