I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
