please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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