plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
