last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
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