woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize