the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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