Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
A bitchslap is in order.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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