Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
