u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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