We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
