the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
