they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
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My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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