Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
