I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Holy shit dude........stairs
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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