I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
i think my cat just said my name.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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