i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
