Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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