I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.