The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
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Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
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Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.