what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.