I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?