tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.