FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
