i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
