i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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