Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
