Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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