some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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