I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
