dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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