Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
