I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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