he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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