so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
