I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
