so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Buhtt sex?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
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