You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
