We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
