Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
