he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
