its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
