I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
