she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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