whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize