pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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